


The Ascendancy of Compulsion Over Autonomy.

by salad



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Self-Destruction, Self-Discovery, The Homestuck Epilogues, tags will be updated as the work is updated!, ultimate self
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-07-20 11:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19991317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salad/pseuds/salad
Summary: Alternatively: Of Dirk Strider and the philosophical dilemma of his person.





	1. INTRODUCTION I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual formatting will look MUCH better on laptop/pc. if youre own mobile turn it sideways! it should help a little

Dirk: Take control of the narrative.

.

.

.

.

.

.

You attempt to take control of the narrative, albeit not entirely knowing what that means. The magnitude of this command is lost on you, though it's important to emphasize that this is due to the fact that you're unsuspecting, not unobservant. Your name is DIRK. You are DEXTEROUS, MASTERFUL, and METICULOUS. You spend most of your days on Earth C building ROBOTS and hanging out with your BEST BROS. You're sometimes known as being A LITTLE LESS INNOCUOUS than the next guy, but you just chalk it up to your ALOOFNESS. Despite your COOL and SEEMINGLY AUSTERE reputation, you often fret about the wellbeing of your friends.  


What would you like to do?

==> Check your phone.  
==> Shift to a less emblematic style of narration.

You check your phone. It seems you've accumulated several notifications; usually the aftermath of one of your welding benders, which typically last anywhere from several days to several weeks. [You unlock your phone.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19991317/chapters/47857276)

<

Didn't we just go over this? This idée fixe of yours is tiresome. Freewill is an illusion. Maybe _you_ know that, but for the purpose of further indulging in my god complex, I'm going to play narrator for as long as I want to. Dirk's just a pawn in a game much bigger than he thinks he knows. Have you ever seen a man spiral? Have you ever witnessed a man crave? It's this need to sustain yourself with knowledge, the sort of knowledge that goes beyond textbooks and wisdom. No matter how much you satisfy yourself, it's still not enough; it's an insatiable desire. It's gluttony than can only be truly fulfilled by achieving a sort of... accolade. The ultimate accolade, if you will. It can be attained by enduring yourself, in what can only be known as the most raw and callous way possible. It's self-annihilation, and only the most resilient will find the will to survive, to continue, to _prevail_. But what do I know? I'm just a clueless, unsuspecting narrator serving as a medium for an unappreciative audience. Go back and try again.

<


	2. INTRODUCTION II

==>

You unlock your phone.

Dirk: Answer Dave.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]  
TG: yo  
TG: i know we havent talked in a couple of months because were both off doing our own shit  
TG: and its easy to lose contact with literally anyone when trying to survive isnt the primary thing on your mind anymore  
TG: like i finally have time to just chill the fuck out for a second   
TG: maybe explore some hobbies i was forced to abandon because i was trying to avoid the impending doom of a literal meteor and the shitstorm that came after  
TG: ok ill be honest im texting you on behalf of roxy  
TG: its not like i dont want to talk to you im just respecting your boundaries  
TG: and yeah i kind of get now what she was talking about like i dont want to phase myself back into your life like the aftermath of a second rate cgi movie scene  
TG: like im halle berry and this is catwoman  
TG: and really what the hell was even going on there  
TG: were just gonna ignore the shittiest cgi to ever exist so we can focus on halle berrys sex appeal  
TG: that movie banks entirely on her tits  
TG: not that i was looking  
TG: just making an entirely objective observation  
TG: and while were on the subject of entirely objective observations  
TG: what was up with that plot  
TG: i mean yeah im no movie critic  
TG: although i guess in another timeline i was some hotshot director whose movies rebelled against an imperialistic empire or whatever  
TG: so really if anyone here has any credibility its me  
TG: dont know if youve seen catwoman but its bad  
TG: let it be noted by the court that this is coming from the guy whose alt self shattered the conventional diegesis of hollywood film  
TG: its so shitty that it surpasses every rung of the most unreliable ladder ever manufactured straight to the worst accolade you could ever imagine   
TG: which is probably a cheap dollar store trophy   
TG: or a $5 bed bath and beyond gift card  
TG: its that bad  
TG: the only remotely enjoyable part of the entire thing is sharon stone   
TT: Sharon Stone was better off in Total Recall.  
TT: I did have an Arnie Schwarz phase though, so I might be biased.  
TG: see you get it  
TG: people hear schwarzenegger and immediately think terminator  
TT: Or Predator.  
TG: or predator  
TG: point is we need to appreciate the indie schwarzenegger films  
TT: Indie?  
TG: ok maybe theyre not indie  
TT: I mean definitely not Jake Gyllenhaal.  
TG: yeah no  
TG: brokebacks untouchable  
TG: its gay cowboys what more could you ask for  
TT: Bubble Boy's up there.  
TG: fair rebuttal  
TG: anyways this conversation completely derailed from the matter at hand  
TG: like were in colorado making our way from eden to pueblo   
TG: that was insensitive sorry  
TG: at least i think it was  
TG: i mean does it matter if the civilization that had to bear that history is gone  
TT: I wouldn't say it doesn't matter, it still happened. Technically, it's still happening, if you want to look at time cyclicly.  
TG: man i dont even want to look at time at all  
TG: unless i stick some pizza rolls in the microwave in that case yes ill look at the time  
TG: im still trying to gauge exactly how long to put them in for before they reach that critical point of heat where the inside scalds your tongue when you take a bite  
TG: the funny part is i have all the time in the world to figure it out  
TG: literally  
TT: Dave, I'll be honest, I don't eat anything that's not already prepared, so I can't relate to your nodus, but maybe just look at the recommended cooking time on the back of the packaging?  
TG: yeah no thats for the serving size  
TG: which is so off the mark its actually fraudulent   
TG: dare i say bogus  
TG: if totinos is selling a bag of pizza rolls then im eating the whole bag of pizza rolls  
TT: What the hell? Are you telling me you eat a whole bag's worth of pizza rolls? Frequently enough to where you've unintentionally devised a personal experiment to discover the true, optimal duration of pizza rolls in the microwave?  
TG: yeah pretty much  
TT: Can't say I'm surprised.  
TG: funny thats exactly what rose said  
TG: which reminds me  
TT: The matter at hand.  
TG: the matter at hand yeah  
TG: roxys throwing a get together for all of us   
TG: i dont want to call it a party because its not like every tom dick or harrys gonna be there  
TG: just us  
TT: Ok, I mean, yeah, sounds reasonable. It's a good excuse for me to chill out for a second, take a break from the circuitry boards.  
TG: ok cool ill let her know  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its no where near great but hopefully you all will stick with me regardless! hope you enjoyed! new updates will come sooner than you think


	3. ONE

Cool, calm, collected; a dangerous trifecta. It should have been obvious. When a man confides in you, do you listen? If someone ponders their variants and no one is around to hear, does it even matter? Imagine being scared of what you're capable of. Imagine being terrified of your potential. Everyday being haunted with a past you never lived; scenarios playing out in your head like you have direct access to somebody else's stream of consciousness, but when you look down, they're your hands.

What makes you You? What makes you different? Unique? Do you believe that you're special? Do you believe that everyone's special? Is it individuality that separates you from the next person? Is it a special skill? Maybe you think you're more intellectually inclined? What defines you? What defines who you are as a person? Is it your awareness of moment-to-moment experiences? Or is it lack thereof? Does ignorance on constant subjective interactions prove to be detrimental to your growth as a human being? Does it matter? Are you the same person as last year? Are you different? Does change equate to growth? Would your current self get along with your past self? Are these two different people entirely? If so, does this mean you'll never achieve your ideal self? Is it pointless to even have an ideal self? By extension, is it pointless to have goals for yourself? 

A self is complicated, unsure. Selves are perplexing. Identity is a disconcerting thing; it's the antithesis of perpetuity. It's fluid. Flowing like a river through time, branching off, then merging again. Unyielding. Unfaltering.

When a player of soul is on the brink of catastrophe, the casualties are infinite. He was the composed one, an invariable fact, and he convinced himself it was for the sake of everyone else’s sanity, beguiling the part of his mind that wouldn't stop tugging. The part that covets sovereignty. Seemingly bereft of emotion but, really, just a drop away from flowing over the brim. A push away from drowning in the icy depths of an untouched ocean. An ocean only visited by a boy when he sought nourishment. Or maybe he was looking for something else entirely. Maybe this nourishment wasn't a physical need, but a guttural, longing want: to discover himself. When a prince is timorous, a rare phenonmen, it results in turmoil. The aftermath of even just a moment of unsurety, a second of hesitance, triggers dissonance on a cosmic level. Two melodies rubbing against eachother, grating. Just a few halfsteps away from conosance. Harmony, even. But there are so many variables, so many factors, so many _steps_. It's brutal. 

What is a self? Is it genetic makeup? Is it neuronal firing? On a surface level, a physical level, yes. But what if we go deeper? What if we delve further in what a self really is? It's a limitless entity limited by nature. Your body is nothing but a host for the psyche. And a psyche amplified is what makes up a self. But if we turn up the dial, if we increase that amplification, we breach a barrier we didn't even know was there, like we've been dormant all along. Are human beings meant to cross this border? Do we all have the potential to step into the periphery? Or does it take the totality of the cosmos to afflict someone with that fate? 

Poor Dirk.  


Poor me.

Shut up.


	4. TWO

  
He was juggling so many things at once that it was dizzying to keep up. Not for him, obviously.

Pull back that curtain, 

what 

do 

you 

see?

A meticulously detailed proposal handed to him on a silver platter, it only served to make him crave. Make him want more. He was suffering. The Collective assumed all power and exerted it with each and every decision like he was born for it, like it was **innate**.


	5. INTERMISSION I PART I

AND NOW, A BRIEF INTERMISSION...

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the hell is up with Guy?


End file.
